THE LAST LAUGH/SWITCHING GEARS

FINALLY, the day has come for my big announcement. No, there isn’t a book contract, yet. I’m still waiting at the red light for that event to happen.

The time has come for me to take this blogging gig to the next level. Y’all didn’t know blogging had various levels to attain, did ya? No, it’s not like video game levels, never mind, on with the announcement. Drum roll please!!

I’m in the process of building a website called wadewebster.com. Pretty catchy don’t ya think? I’ve actually had the website up for over a year and haven’t known quite how to take the next step with it.

Well, I think I’ve about got it figured out, I hope. What this means for those of you who wish to keep receiving my blog(s) is you’ll have to go there and subscribe just like you did for this blog.

I’m no longer going to be posting here on Laugh Out Loud Love Our Lord. The site will remain up for archive purposes only. I’ll still post every Monday like I have here, except now I’ll call it Funny Mondays. I’m going to continue to tickle your funny bone just like I have here. The same thing only different.

For those of you who don’t know, I also post on a devotional blog you get as a bonus I’m calling Faithful Fridays. Yeah, Wade Webster Writes is being mothballed, too. Now you get, not one, but, two blogs for the price of one. Since you won’t be charged to receive these I guess they’re still free to you. So don’t sweat being able to afford my move.

After I reach 100 subscribers I’m planning on adding a third day of blogging called Wellness Wednesdays. I’ve been concerned that too many Christians don’t take their physical bodies seriously enough. So, I’d like to share my simple secrets to maintaining my firm believer’s condition. Help me get to 100 and you’ll see what I mean.

So, to recap, you’ll be getting Funny Monday humor posts, Wellness Wednesday health tips (eventually), and Faithful Friday devotionals all for the price of FREE.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!!! You knew I had to throw that in somewhere. 🙂

Another thing you’ll be getting from me on a monthly basis is my newsletter. I’ll save the juicy details of the behind the scenes of my writing life. Okay, I admit, it’s rather boring most of the time, but, things could change at any time. So, make sure you’re in on the exciting ground floor of my journey to becoming a full-fledged author. I’ll be calling on my newsletter peeps to help me get the word out about anything I do eventually get published.

I plan on putting that out about the first of every month. I’ll let you know what’s transpiring in Wade’s World. Even if there’s nothing happening you’ll be the first to know. It’s worth the price of admission just for that.

The prizes don’t stop there for those of you who decide to take this plunge with me. No sir-ee Bob (and everybody else out there).

For subscribing on my website http://wadewebster.com you’ll also get a PDF copy of MY PRAYER OF SURRENDER. This is a prayer I originally presented at the adult fellowship at my church. I got a ton of positive feedback from it there. I later offered it online to a group there and got the same results.

I hope you read it slowly, purposefully and prayerfully. I’m sure it will draw you closer to God in the process. Feel free to print it off to re-read as you feel led.

If you think of someone who would benefit from reading it direct them to wadewebster.com to get their own copy.

BUT WAIT THERE’S STILL MORE!!!

Every Tuesday for about two months I’ll send another sampling of my writing to your email inbox. I’m still putting that bonus together so I’m not exactly sure what’s going to show up there.

It will likely be more poems, prayers and devotionals. Magazine articles and early blog posts that haven’t been read much, yet. I may even let you read the short story that won third place at the 2013 Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers’ Conference.

Like I said I’m still putting this together. Any requests can be placed in the comments section here.

For those of you who also subscribe to my devotional blog don’t bother reading what I’m just sent out there by the same title. I’m going to copy this one and place it there for people who aren’t subscribed here.

I’ll see y’all at wadewebster.com.   Wade

and don’t forget to keep smiling!

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People see what they want to see

I have a suit jacket, or a sport coat, depending on where you’re from, I guess. I found it in the clearance section of a department store. The amazing thing about this jacket/coat is that it’s my size. You see I’m on the smaller size of the spectrum when it comes to men’s clothing. So, when I find something that fits well I have a hard time passing it up, especially when it’s only $20.

Anyway, this outer garment has brought me some comments almost every time I wear it to church. I knew it would be a bit of a controversy when I bought it, but, not like it has become.

You see, said garment/coat/jacket is light tan in color. Not something I see everyday, partly because very few men where suits to church at all anymore. But, that’s another subject altogether.

What I’ve found surprising about the comments I receive is how many older men make some kind of remark about Pat Boone when they approach me to discuss fashion. First, I’m not very keen on discussing fashion with anybody, that’s not my forte. Second, Pat Boone’s TV program was before my time, apparently, since I don’t ever remember seeing it.

Third, and this is the amazing thing to me, Pat’s jacket was white not tan.

I’ve given up trying to convince these color-blind individuals that they’re wrong. I mean, how many times does one have to hold a piece of paper next to his garment/jacket/coat to prove a point?

They see what they want to see. The first thing that comes to their mind is Mr. Boone’s white coat, so, my coat/garment/jacket becomes white to them, not the tan that it actually is.

I can’t control this. It’s just human nature. How much of it is depravity depends on my mood at the time they make their rude comment. Don’t get me started.

Get in a discussion about God with most people and the same thing happens. Their minds come up with whatever concept they’ve designed to suit their purpose in life.

He’s either some sort of cosmic Santa Claus who blesses those who obey Him, or, He’s simply “the man upstairs” who listens to us whenever we’re in despair. He only listens when we’re desperate because that’s the only time we talk to Him.

The person of Jesus is another time you’ll get an amazing variation of reality. This “great teacher” who was the nicest person who ever lived isn’t anywhere near enough to the God/man He is who died for every sin of each person who walks the face of this planet.

Your mission–if you care to accept it–and I pray you do–is to tell as many people as will listen to you the truth about Jesus, the Son of God.

Debating with them won’t be as effective as living a Christ-like example out in front of them.

If your concept of Jesus is a bit fuzzy to you feel free to click on the link at the top of this blog titled “Begin Your Relationship With Jesus Christ.”

Yeah, this whole concept of God and Jesus isn’t about a religion. God wants a personal relationship with you. That’s why Jesus died for you.

When God becomes real to you your whole concept of truth will come into sharp focus.

You won’t regret taking that step right now. I’ve done it, as have many of my friends. We’re better people because of it.

Keep smiling.   Wade

I will NOT be happy no matter what!

Happy day after Easter, y’all.

So, how was your “holiday?” We call it a holiday just because it’s a major event for a dwindling section of the populace. But, when I think of a holiday I picture a day I get paid for even though I don’t go to work.

I noticed the places that are usually open on Sunday were still open for Easter. So, is it technically a holiday, or, just another Sunday?

I know, when you break the word down into its components it comes out as “holy-day.” In that regard it is definitely a holiday. You don’t get any holier than God in a human body over-coming death on His own volition.

I did buy a chocolate bunny in preparation for this most sacred of days. It never made through the month of March. That’s the trouble with these floating holidays, it’s kinda hard to make plans too far in advance.

With Christmas we know what day it’s going to be: December 25th. The only question is: “how many paid days off will I get this go-around?” It basically depends on the employer and how well the economy is bustling, or not.

It’s become a bit of a tradition for me to volunteer to serve in the children’s ministry of our church on Easter. The theory is that more people come to church on Easter Sunday, especially young families, so more adults are needed to staff the rooms.

I never know what age group I’ll end up helping out with. Last year it was the fourth graders. We ended up with more than enough adults there.

This year was a new experience with toddlers. Yeah, this guy who never was a dad had to deal with traumatized little kids that belonged to someone else. So, I silently became Wade Webster, the toddler whisperer.

Rather than try to turn into this over-energized playmate I simply stayed my introverted self. I quietly played with the toys and waited for another introvert to find me. It worked quite well both hours.

Noah and I bonded the first hour. I have a feeling he’ll turn into a ship builder someday to save all mankind. Just a hunch.

Marcus was my buddy the second hour. It surprised the other adults when he finally made a vocalization while handing me a plastic farm animal toward the end of our time together. he’ll be all right, too.

There was this other boy during the second hour who nobody could get through to. Try as they may he was bound and determined to be miserable just to get even with his dad. He’d become bored with crying for a minute, tops, before he’d shake his head and commence to wailing again.

They have specialists for those toddlers. He was taken out of the room so Marcus and I could play in peace. After story time and a few minutes on the playground the crier was brought back in the room by one of the paid staff so his dad knew where to find him.

I’m pretty sure this is one of those strong-willed youngsters. He was still unhappy and wasn’t afraid to let everybody know about it. This lady would offer him every imaginable toy in the room only to be reprimanded with a forceful, “NO!”

He reminded me of some adults I know. One of them I know too well, I shaved his face this morning.

How often does God offer us so many good gifts in this life to us only to have us slap His hand, or face, and turn around to get what we think will make us happy?

God says, “Be still and know Me.”

We say, “But, this life’s too short. I have to climb the ladder to get ahead. I “need” that better car to show I’ve arrived. I gotta move to that ritzy neighborhood so people will notice me.”

God says, “Show My love to the least of these.”

We say, “But, I don’t have time for nobodies. I have to impress the elite in society to move up myself. Let someone more godly than me worry about them.”

God says, “Rest in My yoke for it is easy.”

We say, “But, I have so much to do. I have to keep working. I can work for You, too, someday.”

Do you see a pattern here? Society pushes us to “succeed” by being busy, too busy.

God desires to draw us to Himself in a love relationship of intimacy and peace.

Are we all so strong-willed that we must have our own way in this life? Please, stop and help a toddler see Jesus in you today.

It’ll change both of you for eternity. I’m confident of that.

Keep smiling.   Wade

A young donkey’s misguided perception

The young donkey rubbed against his mom’s side. “Momma, why are there so many people here today? It’s gonna be hard to go anywhere if more of them get in the way.”

The older donkey turned her head back and licked her son’s ear. “They sure are making it difficult to move without bumping into them. I don’t know why they do this, but, sometimes they all seem to show up at the same time.”

The youngster shook his head. “Stop it. That tickles, Momma.”

Two men approached and untied the rope holding the young donkey in place.

Another man reached out and grabbed the rope, too. “Hey, where do you think you’re going with my animal?”

“The Lord needs to borrow it.”

The man released his grip. “Oh, in that case go right ahead. He can have it all He wants.”

The young donkey turned to his mom. “Momma, what are they doing to me?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. Just be the best donkey you can be, my son.”

He followed the man holding the rope. They came to a group of men and stopped. Somebody threw their coat on the donkey. One of them sat on the donkey’s back.

The young donkey heard his mom’s last words echo in his head. “Be the best donkey you can be, my son.”

He thought to the man on his back. “I don’t know where you think we’re going to be able to go, buddy. There are so many people here it’s hard to move.”

All of a sudden the people moved away from the middle of the road in the direction of the city.

The donkey continued to think to the people. “Now, that’s more like it. If you could make these cobblestones a bit softer that would sure be nice.”

Some people laid their coats on the road in front of the donkey. Others dropped some palm branches.

The donkey walked toward the city. More people set stuff in front of him to soften his steps. They repeated the same thing over and over. “Hosanna…Hosanna…”

“I don’t think I’ve been given a name, yet. But, if you insist that my name is Hosanna, then, I’m okay with that, especially if you keep treating me right like this.”

Some men with funny things on their heads approached with mad looks on their faces. “Tell these people to stop saying these things!”

The man on the donkey’s back was smiling as He spoke kindly to them. “If these people are silent the rocks will cry out.”

The young donkey lifted his head high. “Wow! This guy thinks I’m really something special, too, to say something like that to them.”

As the donkey continued toward the city people kept moving out of his way and laying things down in front of him. He kept his head high as he carried the man on his back. “I could get used to this treatment.”

When they reached the end of the crowd the man on his back got off. They took the coat off his back, too. Someone handed the rope back to the man the donkey knew.

The man smiled as he took the rope. “It was an honor for You to use my animal, Sir.”

The man who went for the ride continued to smile as He walked away with His friends.

The man the donkey knew jerked on the rope to get the young donkey to follow him back to his mom.

The donkey looked back and thought to the men walking away. “Hey, come back here. This guy is mean compared to you. I deserve better than this. Don’t I? What about what you said to those other guys? Didn’t you mean that after all?”

The confused young donkey was tied next to his mother again. She smiled broadly as he shook his head. “You are probably the only donkey to get that honor, my son.”

The youngster looked at his mom. “But, why did they stop, Momma. I was really liking what they were doing to me. They even gave me a name. I’m Hosanna.”

His mom tilted her head. “Don’t you know who that was on your back?”

“No, they never said his name. They just called me Hosanna.”

His mom stomped her hoof. “Listen to me. None of that was for you. That was Jesus on your back. All of that was for Him, my son.”

The young donkey started to cry. “You mean that was God come as a human? I wish I had known. I would have been a better donkey, Momma.”

She rubbed her nose along his neck. “You behaved beautifully, my son. I am very proud of you.”

The youngster was still sad. “But, I want to do it all over again. I want to do it for Him now.”

###

Have you ever found yourself in that young donkey’s hooves? I’m sure you have. I believe we all have many times in our lives.

How often have we accepted the applause of people because of something we’ve accomplished? How many times do we feel entitled to something because of how hard we’ve worked?

It’s not wrong to work hard to better your station in life. Promotions and awards are good incentives to strive for. But, it’s also important to remember who gave you the ability to accomplish those accomplishments.

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do,work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Now that you know who the real Boss is let’s give it all we’ve got for the right reasons.

Keep smiling.   Wade

 

THE conversation between Noah and his wife

Noah walks in and sets his lunchbox down. “Hi Honey. I’m home.”

Mrs. Noah (we’ll call her Norma) looks up from slicing carrots. “Hi! How was work?”

Noah walks over and gives Norma a peck on the cheek. “I had the most unusual conversation today.”

Norma slides the carrots into the boiling stew. “I hope it’s one where your boss told you you’ve been grossly underpaid and he’s going to make it right with you.”

Noah sits in his chair and motions for Norma to sit in hers. “It wasn’t a talk with anyone I’ve seen.”

Norma tilts her head. “They haven’t invented telephones, yet, so how could you talk to someone you never saw. Were you stuck in a room without windows or something?”

Noah reaches out and takes Norma’s hand. “I talked with God.”

Norma pulls her hand back. “You talked to the Creator of the whole earth. How in the world did you do that and live to tell about it?”

Noah leans back in his chair. “This wasn’t my idea. He came to me from out of the blue.”

“I warned you about working too hard in the hot sun every day. Now you’re hearing a voice you’re convinced is God. What does he want you to do kill all the heathens who don’t believe in Him?”

“No, He’s going to do that part on His own.”

Norma gets up and paces. “So, I suppose you’ll be the only person left alive.”

Noah reaches out and grabs her hand. “Of course not. You and our sons and their wives will survive,too.”

Norma looks in Noah’s eyes. “How’s He going to carry this plan out? Is He going to have the earth swallow everybody up?”

Noah lowers his eyebrows. “In a way, yeah. God is going to flood the entire planet with water.”

Norma pulls her hand back and returns to pacing. “Water…I have to walk to the river to get enough water for dinner. Did God explain how He’s going to find enough water to carry this scheme out?”

“He’s God. He has that all worked out. We must trust Him.”

Norma lifts her hands up. “So what are we going to do? Do we have to learn to swim?”

“God told me to build an ark out of wood.”

“An ark…what are we going to call this thing, Noah’s ark? Have you ever built an ark before?”

Noah stood and grabbed Norma by the shoulders. “God gave me the dimensions. The boys and I will figure this thing out. We have to. God is serious about this.”

Tears welled up in Norma’s eyes. “All the animals are going to die. Are we going to become vegetarians after this? You know how I love a good steak.”

Noah shook his head. “God is going to have two of each kind of animal come to the ark after it’s finished.”

Norma shook free and returned to pacing. “First you tell me water is just going to fall from the sky, or, gush out of the ground, maybe both. Now, two of each animal is going to ride in this ark of yours. How big is this boat going to be anyway?”

Noah paced in step with Norma. “After I found out what a cubit is I realized this thing is going to be huge, something of Biblical proportions.”

Norma stopped and stared at Noah. “Biblical proportions…you think this is funny, don’t you? Are you going to quit your job to work on this full-time, or are you going to work on this on weekends?”

Noah brushed the hair back from Norma’s face. “I quit my job today. I’d rather follow the One true God than to keep feeding that corrupt boss any longer.”

The couple embraced and had a lengthy cry as they realized the scope of what God was about to do.

###

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the exact conversation they had, but, it still must have been quite the discussion.

God is still in the act of asking people to do rather unusual things.

Writing is a common theme He uses. I have a friend who is writing romance novels. This guy is in his fifties and has never been married. That’s what I call real fiction. I won’t be surprised he’ll be quite good at it once he gets published.

My writing will quite possibly lead into some speaking opportunities. This introvert, who spends most of his days by himself, will rely heavily on God for strength and encouragement when that day comes.

Has God called you out of your comfort zone?

Do you feel a strange pull to do something that’ll stretch you?

If God is in the midst of it the stretching will be for your better and the furtherance of God’s kingdom.

Let’s follow Noah’s lead by doing something unusual for God.

Keep smiling.   Wade

 

Get ready to laugh–encore

I apologize for getting this post out later than usual. My life has been a bit topsy-turvier than ‘normal.’

I was hoping to be able to send out some news about a new track I’m fixin’ to enter into with my blogging, but, this techno-twirp still has some bugs to work out before I make any substantial changes now.

Don’t be alarmed when you receive a surprise blog post from here, and/or from my real blog Wade Webster Writes, that is titled THE LAST LAUGH/SWITCHING GEARS. I’ll give all the details for you to continue to keep receiving these posts and a monthly newsletter from me about my behind-the-scenes of my writing life.

Today I take you back to the very firstest post on this here humor blog. I gave some behind the scenes as to my reason for doing this in the first place.

Enjoy!

###

For those of you who’ve read my regular blog, Wade Webster Writes, welcome to my different offering for all the world to experience. For those of you who are new to either of my blogs, welcome. You’re all in for a treat. If you’re from the South I’ll translate: All y’all’s in fer a treat.

I hope my regular readers are using WWW as a weekly serving of a full-course meal to fortify your spiritual walk with Jesus, and I hope you come here for desert. This will be lighter fare: shorter and more relaxed. So, kick your shoes off and get ready to laugh.

The first question I need to answer is: why start a humor blog? The short answer: why not? I guess that’s another question, so that kinda defeats the purpose.

Actually there are a couple of reasons for a humor blog. First, it’s hard to find anything descent anywhere to laugh at that doesn’t offend sensible people, or should I say sensitive people. Take your pick. As my Mom always said: “Son, if you can’t find a good cookie to eat, bake your own.” Actually, I don’t think my Mom ever said that, but if I tell you the matriarch of my family said something like that it carries more weight with it.

The second reason for a humor blog is more personal: God told me to do it. Yeah, my relationship with God is quite personal. I have Jesus Christ to thank for that. I can’t wait to see Him face-to-face to do just that.

A few weeks ago I had some slow time at work and I started thinking about how crazy my life is now. Soon clichés start going through my head like: ‘not enough hours in my day’ and ‘so busy I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.’ So then I start on about filling in the details surrounding those statements. Pretty soon I hear that still small voice say: “You need to write a humor blog.”

My knee-jerk reaction was: “Are You kidding me? Have You seen how many unopened emails I have right now. How am I going to find time to write another blog?” So, I had fun filling in the details of those clichés and I let it slide.

About a week and a half ago I wake up in the middle of the night with those same thoughts going through my head. My reaction this time was: “Come on God, don’t You know I need some sleep? I’m doing good to get six hours on a good night.”

I didn’t hear a voice, but I know God well enough to know what He asked. So I answered: “Yes, I trust You.”

Fortunately, He let it slide until this three-day weekend without hounding me to do it.

I don’t want to bombard y’all’s emails with another blog you don’t have time to read. So, the plan right now is to put out Wade Webster Writes on Friday evenings and Laugh Out Loud Love Our Lord on Monday mornings. That’s two nutritious servings to get you through your week.

If you need more than that, bake your own cookies. 🙂

Keep Smiling.   Wade

Happy Chocolate Covered Raisin Day, Y’all!

It just so happens that one of those holy days celebrating something chocolate falls on a Monday. Lucky for me!

And talk about a healthy treat. Take a look a the two ingredients: chocolate-derived from a vegetable, and raisins-a dehydrated fruit. So, by all means, help yourself to seconds more than once. You have my permission today.

I wonder how the first expression of this delight occurred. Was it intentional, or accidental, as many grand inventions are?

Was there a time when some woman was mixing a batch of chocolate for a recipe and had to step away from her chore to answer the phone? For those of you who don’t remember anything about the twentieth century, yes, phones used to be attached to the wall. That’s why God invented longer phone cords and, eventually, cell phones. He got tired of people using the excuse of needing to stay near their phone, that’s why they couldn’t become missionaries to Africa.

Anyway, did said woman’s toddler push a chair over and commence to drop their raisins in the warm chocolate just to see them slowly disappear? Or, did the mom spill chocolate on the raisins left on the counter because she tripped over the chair that somehow found its way into the kitchen while she wasn’t looking? Perhaps both scenarios played out congruently,or, maybe one after the other. I don’t know. I’m merely guessing here.

Come to think of it, was the first raisin on purpose or accidental-like?

Did the mother of the first woman spend an afternoon washing grapes only to be pulled away to her phone? Did she then remember she promised to watch the grandkids while her daughter gave birth to yet another great-baby (I mean, grandchild).

Upon returning home from her excursion to help bring in the next generation did she find her shriveled grapes lying on the counter. This would naturally make any woman upset. So, she went on her hormonal tirade.

Her dear husband, being the kind, considerate type, attempted to console her with a logical question: “Why are you raising your voice over such a trivial matter?”

She was on such roll with her delusional expression of grief he only got out, “Why are you raisin…” about six times.

Finally, after ten patient minutes the gentleman walks over to the new discovery and places one in his mouth.

The expression on his face is one she hasn’t seen since their honeymoon, so she simmers down long enough to try one herself.

“You know, if you cover these raisins in chocolate we could retire early, Dear.” The wise man offers.

The rest is history. A yummy history at that I’d say.

I’ve actually taken this day to a whole nuther level in my personal life. Yes, sirree, I didn’t stop at regular milk chocolate, neither, and not just one day per year. Nope.

I enjoy dark chocolate covered blueberry raisins on a daily basis. I’ve made a pact with God: if I die a martyr’s death there will be dark chocolate covered blueberries in Heaven when I get there. It’s the only thing I’ve discovered worth taking with me into eternity.

No, God hasn’t given me any indication that I’ll die a martyr’s death in my lifetime. But, if I keep writing about Jesus it could happen, and since I don’t plan on writing about anything else get your taste buds ready for my treat someday.

Actually, the only thing I can take with me to heaven are the souls of those my words touch so they come to realize their need for Jesus as their Savior. That’s my real goal with my writing.

The expression that preceded my call to writing was given by a radio preacher. He said, “Nothing sets God off in an expression of celebration as when someone comes to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.”

I ended my heart-felt prayer for God to use me with the phrase, “I want to give You the reputation of being a party animal.”

A couple of weeks later He brought the thoughts that were swirling around in my head into focus by telling me, “It’s not a sermon, it’s a book.”

And I wasn’t on a dark-chocolate-covered-blueberry high at the time, neither.

Do you see what transpired there?

I delighted in seeing God in a spirit of celebration. He gave me the desire to write stories for Him.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Notice He didn’t give me my heart’s desires. That’s how too many people like to read that verse. He gave me His desire and placed it in my heart to use for His glory.

I pray you develop your relationship with God through Jesus Christ so that you, too, can receive God’s desire for you to bring Him glory. He has a plan for you. I know He does. He’s waiting for you to seek His pleasure to give it to you.

It may not be writing. I didn’t give God any indication as to what I wanted to do. I left Him a blank check to sign.

Writing was the farthest thing from my mind at the time.

Trust God. He wants what’s best for you and Him.

Keep smiling.   Wade

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Y’all.

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

(traditional gaelic blessing)

 For anybody out there of Irish descent I greet you with your traditional blessing above.

Being a transplanted Texan I just have to give my own version of a non-traditional blessing to all y’all.

May the trail be ever gentle on yer horse.

May the wind never knock yer hat off.

May clouds protect you from that blast-furnace sun;

the rains keep yer holding ponds full

and until we see each other next time,

may nothin’ touch y’all that ain’t first passed through the Good Lord’s hand.

Okay, I admit, this ain’t as catchy as the original version. It likely has a bit too much realism in it to become a classic, but, it is Texan. I think I just heard an AMEN from my Texas readers.

I have a feeling Ireland has a much cooler sun than Texas does. No, it isn’t the same sun. I know because I grew up in Michigan. The sun is MUCH hotter in Texas than anything I ever experienced in my former home state. End of discussion.

And the wind must not be much more than a breeze over yonder. This Texas wind will knock a person over no matter which side of your body it strikes. I have to stay skinny so I’m aerodynamic enough to not kiss any more pavement than I already have.

Gentle is NOT a typical rain in Texas. We get so few chances at rain that we’ll accept it in any form it wants to come. Last week I heard a weatherman say we’re already 5 inches below normal for this year and it’s only March. We did get some decent thunderstorms Saturday evening. You see, even thunderstorms are considered a blessing. I think we’re only 3 inches below normal now. Lake levels are our indication of how dry things are.

It’s a given in Texas that we’re in the Father’s hand. John 10:29 says we are so that settles it for us.

In the verse before that one Jesus claims that we’re also in His hand and that no one can snatch us out of His hand, either.

I don’t know about you but that gives me a sound sleep at night. Even after being broken into recently.

Yeah, even that event didn’t catch God by surprise. I kinda think God nudged me awake just before it happened to give me a few extra seconds to wake up to be able to do all that I had to do to scare the heeby-geebies out of those miscreants.

I’m still praying for them to see flipping burgers as a viable option to being on the wrong side of the law.

So, whether you call it a shamrock or a clover, I hope you are blessed today.

I also pray that you accept Jesus’ gift of salvation so you too can experience the security of being in Jesus’ and God’s hands forever.

Keep smiling.   Wade

How I reacted to an intruder in my home last Monday

I never knew for sure how I would respond if I ever found an intruder in my home until last Monday night.

No, I’m not talking about a wild animal that somehow found its way inside. I’m talking about an actual person wrapped in enough clothing that I couldn’t tell the police any identifying anything about them.

Let me back up and give you a little back-story leading up to Monday night. Things at work have been more than a bit busy lately. Winter is usually our “slow” time of year. Well, I’ve been putting in close to 60 hours per week since December. Sleep is, unfortunately, one of those things that gets cut into.

Monday afternoon I went down to Carter Blood Care and donated blood. So keep in mind through all this I’m running a pint low.

I crawled in bed about 9:30 with my alarm set for 4:15, this gives me enough time to fix my lunch and enjoy a meal before I head out the door to drive a big-rig around Dallas streets.

I drifted off to sleep on my right side facing away from my bedroom door. I woke up with a slight discomfort so I rolled over to my left side. A peek at the clock told me it was only 11:00.

I suddenly hear a noise like something large falling over in my apartment. I have a fairly nice wood table that somebody discarded near our dumpster. The top is leaning against a wall with the two bases setting in front of it. I had to move it during the day to get at an electrical outlet behind it. I thought that fell over somehow.

So, I got up to take a look. When I walked into the room that doubles as the diningroom/livingroom/library/my writing space I found the back door open with the trim piece sticking out into the room.

I knew I didn’t leave it that way when I went to bed so I surmised there must be somebody nefarious in my home. DUM-DUM-DUMMM

There isn’t much free space in a 700-square-foot apartment to hide in. I heard a sound near the front door so I approached slowly without turning any lights on. The light coming in from the open back door was just enough for me to make out the silhouette of somebody hunched over against the white front door.

Keep in mind that I’m only half awake when the fight-or-flight mechanism kicked in. Bible verses get a bit muddled in those instances. As the needle is listing heavily toward the fight side all I could think of was: “Do unto others as they have done unto you.”

In my mind I’m thinking Alright, punk, you just broke something major of mine, I know you didn’t carry much of yours in here with you, but I’m pretty sure I can find something of yours to break. Let’s start with your nose and go from there. I should also warn you that I’ve never been in any real fights, so, I may not fight by any clear rules.

Not knowing whether this person had a gun I stayed back far enough to be able to jump into my kitchen if I needed to. You see, I hadn’t lost all commonsense.

To let them know I was home at the moment of this ill-timed intrusion I yelled out, “What are you doing?”

Now there are some questions that are asked with no verbal response expected. This was one such question. I didn’t expect him to close the back door and pull up a chair waiting for me to heat up some water so we could enjoy a cup of tea while discussing whether this was a wise career move on his part.

No, I wanted to scare the fecal matter out of him, or her.

I was also following a bit of advice Jesus would have given in this instance: “When somebody breaks in your back door offer him your front door as well.”

This person was a very quick study. With a glance in my direction the front door came open and they exited quicker than they entered a few seconds earlier.

To drive the point home that I get more than a bit cranky when somebody disturbs my precious sleep I followed after him to the door yelling at the top of my three-quarters-awake lungs “GET OUT OF HERE!!!”

I think it all came out as one word, but it worked. He shot off to the right.

When I got to the breezeway I found his accomplice waiting there. He was completely frozen in his tracks, so I gave him a good Texas nudge. I stomped my foot in his direction and yelled, “GIT!”

He caught on, too. It was like in the old cartoons where he’s standing there one second, then all you see are a few little dust clouds and some fading streaks in the direction he ran, which was the opposite direction of the first guy, or gal.

After the fingerprint dust was cleaned up and I was waiting for the apartment maintenance guys to come fix their door a few verses came clearly to my mind.

Matthew 6:19-21 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven…For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.”

I carried on a conversation with God, as usual. “LORD, You know I do my best to live by that creed. I don’t have much compared to many in this country. Whatever I have is Yours. You know that. Thank You for letting this end with nobody getting hurt and nothing more than the door jamb being broken. Help those two see the error of their ways. Bring somebody in their lives to show them Jesus and all He did for them. Give them the cowardliness to not try this again, here, or somewhere else.”

In all honesty they could have had my TV. I rarely have time to watch it anyway. Ditto with my DVD player. I usually just use that to listen to background music while I write.

I would have missed having my printer, but, I could have worked around that, too. My microwave oven could have been replaced by the apartment management. They’ve installed some in upgraded apartments.

Do you know what one thing I would have been broken over losing the most? My writer friends know what it is. My computer holds many things I’ve written that haven’t been in the public eye, yet. Sure, it’s all backed up in a virtual cloud somewhere, but, the thought of losing it shakes me, still.

My writing is truly done for God because I know He’s the One who gave me this writing gift. I do my best to get out of the way and let people see Jesus in my writing. I’m pretty sure that’s laying my treasure up in heaven. That’s my goal.

The writer side of me is soaking in the entire experience as best I can.

I guess the humor here is my coping mechanism at the moment.

The effects of having my personal space violently violated has long-lasting implications. Like losing a loved-one your sense of stability and “normal” is taken from you. You hope to get most of it back, but, you also know things will never be the same. It creeps back very slowly. I still have a chair wedged under the doorknob of the back door even though the maintenance guys beefed up the door jamb since the break-in. The patio light hasn’t been shut off, yet.

I’m glad I took Tuesday off from work. I would have gone in with only three hours of sleep. It’s considered very bad luck to drive a semi with that small amount of sleep.

The walk that afternoon helped me sort through a few things as well.

Your prayers are appreciated. The writing will obviously go on. They didn’t take that from me.

I’m curious, what one thing, besides photo albums, would you miss being stolen the most, or, have you re-prioritized your opinion since reading this?

Keep smiling.   Wade

I finally got a ROUND TUIT!

Are you one of those people who finds yourself saying “I’ll get that project done when I get around to it?”

Well, I’ve found just the gadget that’ll transform your life.

Take a couple of minutes to see how it transformed mine and how it could impact your eternal destiny.

Keep smiling.   Wade